Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Writer reveals pet peeves. Is she talking about you?

"What are your other pet peeves?" my son-in-law asked me with a detectable cautionary tone. "I want to know so that I can be sure to not commit any of them when I am in your presence," he explained.

His question came just after I had been ranting about how the table server had rested the water pitcher on each glass as she refilled them. "That’s one of my pet peeves!" I grumbled.

What are my other pet peeves? I drew a blank. Later I asked my husband, "Do I have a lot of pet peeves? For some reason, I can’t think of one, other than table waiters contaminating my water glass."

"Yes, you have a lot of pet peeves," my husband reassured. "For example, you can’t stand the sound of people chewing food."

He’s right. That drives me nuts.

"And you start to twitch at the sight of people eating while they are driving," he continued.

At that point, I wanted him to quit reminding me of my all my pet peeves, but he continued.

"Come to think of it, you have another pet peeve centered on food."

"What’s that?" I said, even though I wanted him to stop.

"You despise it when people talk with food in their mouths."

Right again. That makes me crazy.

"Okay. Okay." I get the point," I cut him off.

Nonetheless, more of my pet peeves came to mind.

It drives me bonkers when people chitchat when they’re supposed to be working.

I squirm when people use clich├ęs, such as "Get a bigger bang for the buck," which has seedy roots in the business of prostitution; and "Close but no cigar," which refers to women in labor during childbirth. Don’t people realize what they are saying?

My list extends to cars and driving. It kills me when people park their cars on the other side of the street right at the end of my driveway.

People who drive too near the centerline really irk me, too.

And what is with people who compulsively forward junk email stories and poems to all their friends and family. Don’t they know that no one reads that stuff?

Anytime I see someone spitting chewing tobacco I get nauseous. Watching that slimy yellowish brown drool dribble down the chin makes me want to throw up.

It gets under my skin when people use the word "insure" instead of "ensure," as in "I ensure you that I really don’t have too many pet peeves."

It holds true for when people use the verb "loan" when they should use the verb "lend."

What really puts me over the edge is...is...No, I had better stop. At this rate, I will scare away my son-in-law and I don't want to do that.


2009 © Copyright Paula Damon. A resident of Southeast South Dakota, Paula Damon is a national award-winning columnist. Her columns have won first-place in National Federation of Press Women, South Dakota Press Women and Iowa Press Women Communications Contests. In the 2009 South Dakota Press Women Communications Contest, Paula's columns took three first-place awards. To contact Paula, email pauladamon@iw.net, blog with her at http://my-story-your-story.blogspot.com/ and find her on FaceBook.

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